Motherhood Between Two Cultures
Migrating is not always easy. Especially when you come from a completely different part of the world and suddenly find yourself trying to build a life somewhere that feels so unfamiliar. Your body is in the new country, but sometimes there is still a small child inside you who is quietly asking,
What am I supposed to do here?
I felt that in Japan.
When I first came here, even ordinary things felt unfamiliar. The language, the shops, the way people did things, even the little everyday routines. Sometimes I would just watch people and try to understand what was going on.
And then I became a mother here.
That made me notice the differences even more.
The independence thing
One thing I notice here is how much children are encouraged to do little things by themselves. At hoikuen, our little boy is expected to get involved in all sorts of small routines. Putting things away, carrying his things, trying things himself. At home in Sri Lanka, I think we are much more likely to help a child immediately. Personally I love the way how the hoikuen do things regarding their independence,
But my natural roots come in to the surface If my son is struggling with something, my first reaction is usually, “Let me do it.” I love to see him doing things on his own and on the other hand I feel like I want to help him. I dont know but, I love to see the way how he is becoming independent.
The family part
Growing up in Sri Lanka, children are surrounded by family members, relatives mostly. Grandparents, aunties, uncles, cousins, neighbours — somebody is always around. And everybody usually has something to say about the baby.
“Did he eat?”
“Why isn’t he wearing socks?”
“Give him this.”
“Don’t give him that.”
You know what I mean. 😂
Here in Japan, our little family life feels much quieter. It is mostly the three of us. At first, I think I missed that big family feeling more than I realised. But living here has also taught me to appreciate our little family of three. There is something nice about our own small world too. We do things our own way it is a great happy most of the times.
What he eats
I find this one funny because our son is growing up with two food worlds. He can have onigiri one day and something that tastes very much like Sri Lanka the next. When I was growing up, I never thought twice about rice, dhal, sambol or vegetables being normal everyday food. Now I look at my son eating Japanese food and sometimes wonder what his idea of “normal food” will be when he grows up.
Maybe it will be a mixture.
And honestly, I quite like that.
The hoikuen routine
When our son first started hoikuen, I had to learn a whole new little system. There were bags, clothes, things to prepare, things to remember, things to bring home. Some mornings I would stand there thinking, Did I pack everything? And then I’d realise I’d forgotten something.
Again.
But slowly, it became normal.
Now I can almost pack his things without thinking.
Almost.
The seasons
I don’t think I noticed seasons this much before coming to Japan. Maybe because Sri Lanka doesn’t have the same dramatic change. Here, suddenly you realise the mornings are colder.Then the leaves start changing.Then there are little seasonal things everywhere.And now that I have a child, I notice them even more.
I find myself looking at a tree and thinking, Oh, he should see this.
It is funny how having a child makes you notice ordinary things again. Sometimes I collect piece of colurful leaves for doing some creations for our baby boy.
What I want him to have from both places
Sometimes I think about what kind of childhood my son will remember. He will have Japanese hoikuen memories.
Japanese songs, onigiri, autumn leaves. But he will also have Sinhala at home. Sri Lankan food, stories about where his mama grew up. And hopefully, plenty of little memories from both places. I don’t want him to feel that he has to choose one. I want him to know both.
I suppose we are making our own way
The more I live here, the more I realise I don’t have to copy Japanese parenting or recreate the way I was raised in Sri Lanka.
I can just take what feels right from both. Some days I am very organized and follow all the Japanese routines other days I’m just a Sri Lankan mama making rice and trying to convince my toddler to eat something.
And honestly?
That probably is our version of parenting.
A little Sri Lanka. A little Japan.
And a lot of figuring things out as we go.
